contemplating....

I am feeling a huge mix of emotions lately...sad and distance from friends-in fact I have decided to just back off from people completely for a little while..I feel like I'm always the pursuer and I'm tired of it; contemplating the next step in my life; and the endless questions about boys, especially now with my ex, G. I can't deny what we have, the chemistry and connection. He knows me better then anyone, wholly and completely..and the the things he said Sunday night...I know I am a complete disaster with relationships, I'm high maintenance, over-emotional, over-analyzer, a flight risk, who pushes people away, and who gets what she thinks she wants but then doesn't want it anymore...so for a person to tell me you drive me crazy but I don't want you to change, you are my Vanessa...words can't describe how that felt to hear. Maybe there is someone out there who can handle everything that is me and won't ask me to change or leave me because I can't! But I don't know how I feel about G-if I honestly can see us back together, my future with him or honestly if that's even an option..what if I had the right guy there the whole time and I let him go and now I've lost him for good? Or what if space was all we needed to get our shit together?