goodbye 2010..hello 2011!

Well today is the last day of 2010 and overall it's been a great year, where I not only learned a lot about people but myself...feel like I've grown a lot. So who knows what 2011 will hold for me, I'm sure more surprises by people, more struggles with them but I will continue to try and find the balance and continue my challenge of backing off, letting them pursue me. 2011 will hold me getting healthy and in shape, my last year of school, maybe a wedding and lots of fun and laughter!

I'm engaged!

So A completely surprised me tonight and proposed...he gave me a cute little ring that's been in the family. I am still in shock a little, always had a image in my head of how life would turn out, who I'd end up with, how'd they propose, etc but reality is alot more fun and unpredictable.
What a year I've had..how much has changed!

best pic!

I saw a photo frame that had a dog posed holding a dog bone on his nose and I loved it so I decided to try and make my own, it was difficult getting Zoey to pose but got the best pic ever!

weekend festivities..

Well the week was rough, thanx to a few people, but had a wonderful weekend of Kelly...too much shopping, drinking, random carolers and hugging snow. :)
Now a busy week filled with Christmas and then NYE, which I am so excited for...I do wish this month would slow down cuz damn this year is going by fast!

{quote}

From my Bones marathon this lovely weekend of no school..."Happiness: love, laughter, friendship, purpose, and dance."

scchool sucks!

What a week of crappy, long finals...and on my last final after two hours, with only fifteen minutes left to submit, my computer randomly shut off and I seriously almost had a heart attack! But I am done with school for a month and celebrated last night with a great old, new friend.

weekend recap...

Well I'm finally almost done with this semester...took my first final Friday night and now no more horrible Friday night class...woo hoo! Now five more next week! :/
I've had a very good weekend filled with different activities...went on a ghost tour after class, interesting is all I have to say. Then last night I had a wine and cookie party :).
My friend experiment is actually working out well; I feel less stressed because I'm not over-analyzing and reacting to everything and it's been refreshing to have some of my friends that I've been feeling neglected by start pursuing me.

experiment

I have decided that for December I will no longer plan, pursue, or text anyone in hopes of trying to find the friendship balance in my life. My biggest sorrow it seems is people; making them too important, getting hurt too easily, putting friendship on a pedestal that clearly no one else does. I'm hoping that backing off will help me stop making people so big and focus all of that on myself, making me a better person. So we shall see what this experiment leads to.....

"Sometimes don't you just want to get lost, just to see who cares enough to find you?"

good year...

The things on my list that I'd like to do every year are lots of drinking-friend fun, day trips, camping, the lake, Abq trips, theme parties, holiday fun and travel....must say this year has been pretty awesome and I've done almost everything, including cutting down on the drama of being me. Here's hoping that next year is just as good and packed full of fun times!

Holiday weekend...

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to remind us to give thanx...I have lots to be thankful for, including this weekend. Drinking with one of my bests in Mesilla, thanksgiving dinners with families, hearing from friends (I love holidays-people taking time to tell you they love you...makes my heart happy!), buying and decorating a Xmas tree with my boyfriend and a baby shower. I even made a new friend, which is always one of my fav things in life.

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy." ~Robert Anthony

Is this me? I really worry that I don't allow myself to be happy, that I let my BS get in the way, that I'm too afraid to just be happy.....

Lots of good and bad to being back in your hometown, my favorite so far is reconnecting with old friends!
Today, after watching my stupid football team play like shit, we went to Novemberbrew and had a great time, sampling way too many beers.
Happy side note, one more month of this semester! Thank goodness!!

I can't believe it's November and that this year is almost over...time flies! I have had such a better, boring year (I only say boring because I am the queen of drama)with a few bumps and bruises. I have learned a lot, especially about people and the ones that shouldn't be in my life, despite my lack of wanting to cut out friends and wanting to always see the best in everyone.
My goal for these last two months is to cut out those people and to get myself healthy and skinny (I recently started a lifestyle diet)and back to Vanessa like.

I've had the best pre-Halloween days filled with some of my fav people...carved three pumpkins, tons of scary movies, baking Halloween treats, pumpkin festival and dressing up. I am starting to feel old though, would much rather stay home and do mellow drinking things then going out...think this will be my first year giving out candy to trick or treaters.
So much better then last year where I was going through some major bad.
I don't want October to end! :(

Pumpin carving, times two.

Oh how I love moments where I get to be a kid again but with adult beverages! ;)

I have declared today my protest day: no work, homework or diet! Rather bad idea considering the mass amount of stuff I have due this week but what can I say. ;) My favorite thing to do lately is stay at home with Zoey and do absolutely nothing...did I mention how much I am loving my house and what I've done with it!?

{quote}

I heard this quote today and love it, especially for my tv themed life/blog.

"You're life is a tv show, Keep it interesting so God wont change the channel."

I seem to always be fighting a never ending battle, one that I should get used to but still hurts so much...that battle is people. So been feeling down the last few weeks and once again evaluating who should be in my life. The good thing is that I am getting to a good place with it and slowly starting to not care as much about people that don't seem to care either; I am always the one that fights to keep friendships going, to hang out, to be there for them, to not let friendships fade. I'm taking lessons from Zondria! :) The surprising thing is the people that step out at bad times but also the unexpected people that step in.
On a better note, it is now well into my favorite month...chill in the air, pumpkins, scary movies, candy and Halloween...and from here it just gets better, I can't wait for the holidays this year!

the weekend..

After a really bad weekend a few weeks ago, I've been feeling a little bruised but am starting to feel better, continue learn those hard life lessons.
This weekend was a busy one, went on a wine date Friday, then Saturday Darcie's baby shower and then Western Playland-it's nice to go back to being a kid for a few hours.

hard lessons..

Saturday night started out great, Oktoberfest is one of my fav events and I always have so much drunken fun, this year was great but ended really, really bad. For once it wasn't my own drama but someone else's that ruined the night, sadly though their drama led to my drama and a really ugly fight. However, I learned some great lessons about people and sadly once again realized that I don't have as many great people as I thought. It really hurts when you give so much to people and then when you really need it, they can't be bothered. I did find out who is willing to do anything for me, even drive hours to come get me if I'm stranded...it's quite a surprising list.
I think the world is telling me that my home is my happy place and I should never leave! ;) But seriously I am over bs and drunken drama...way too old for it.

the weekend..

I finally left my house..lol. Went on a wine date after class Friday night and as usual with Alma had a random blast but I am so getting old, have a couple of glasses and am in bed by two.
Today woke up so early and went to the White Sands Balloon Fiesta....very small but nice to revisit my old Abq balloon days.
Overall a lovely weekend, minus right now watching my stupid football team loose. Grrr!

time flies.... ♥

Today is my 6 month anniversary with A. Time flies and it's crazy, here's a guy I've known forever and never even thought of him as more then a friend..a guy that is completely not my type yet is completely perfect for pain in the ass me. ♥

{quote}

"You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think are going to be big ones, they are never as big as you make them out to be in your head. It's the regular days, the ones that start out horrible, those are the days that end up being the biggest." Grey's Anatomy

Zoey..

Saturday was the celebration of the life and death of Chloe, and the addition of Zoey two years ago. I am not sure of her actual birthday or how old she really is but I chose to make Chloe's death day as Zoey's birthday...so to me she is 2! :) It's amazing how much life can change over the years, I feel so blessed to have found this amazing dog and everyday she shows me how fragile life is, how cruel people can be, how powerful love and second chances are.

Pet peeve!

I do not understand why girls think that once you get a boyfriend it means they have to become your entire life..you still have friends remember! I may be the extreme opposite of this and make my friends too important versus my boyfriend but I think you can have both and as most of us know, a lot of the times you and the boy, that you have managed to make more important than your friends, may break up and then you have nothing because you have burned bridges or worse you come crawling back to your friends expecting them to still be there for you. I am sick of being the fall back!
Ok rant done :)

Finally went furniture shopping and soon my lovely new house will be complete! Happy day!! Pics to come...

Labor day weekend...

Drove to Abq and as usual it's eventful...caught up with a really great old friend (rented a hotel room, drank and chatted for hours!), then had Desiree fun, realized that sometimes some friendships aren't meant to last forever, that they are just brought to you for a short time and purpose (sad but finally I'm ok with loosing some people) and then went to Wine Fest and almost died (got heat stroke and seriously scariest feeling...heat is bad!)...so now back home and I'm reminded of why I don't like to leave anymore! ;)

I am sickened by what's happening to the world, especially how we treat animals. When did it become ok for us to think that because we are "superior" to them, that it's ok to do whatever we want to them, slaughter them, torture them for our amusement. It says so much about human nature. I was once almost a complete Vegan and was an avid PETA member, the stuff I saw and read made me never look at animals the same. I have become almost desensitized to it at this point, become once again selfish but I am going back to becoming a Vegan. Also I just watched The Cove and will never look at Sea World the same. My heart breaks for what we are doing....

addict

I need to go to AA but not for alcohol for Netflix and Coach and Scentsy and Facebook and my sugar tooth.
Seriously might have a problem! ;)

So first week of school done and I'm already overwhelmed, teachers are crazy with how much work they give especially on line classes. I love my major though because I never get bored, always have such a wide assortment of subjects. I am perplexed though because I somehow am in two pregnancy classes and have three good friends that are pregnant...um, am I being told something by the world? Noooo babies please!
This was a much better week for me, getting back to myself. I do have to ask the question, do I have too many wine dates? I think not! Three this week, go me! Sadly, this has become the excitement of my life...so sadly my blogs are now pretty boring. I am now getting old and domesticated and drama free.

I am starting to feel like myself again, finally...think I just needed the hustle and bustle of School starting (full time school, work, bf, friends). It's always nice to take a lazy break from life but I think I do way better when I'm busy and booked. :) Plus I don't over-analyze as much!

One of my friends has been seeing a Nutritionist and got a really good lifestyle diet, and it's pretty easy and healthy, just can't have carbs at night, have to drink a lot of water, exercise, be conscious of what you eat and give up liquor and sweets (my hardest part by far!)...so am starting Day One tomorrow! I am very determined to do this.
It is rumored that it takes 28 days to break a habit so here goes, breaking my fat and sugar addiction.

lazy.

I'm having a really bad day and being way too hard on myself but I'm so tired of making bad decisions, and most of them are fueled by the fact that I'm so lazy. I don't know why or what's wrong with me but I hate hate that aspect of me, especially lately I've become a lazy ass...I don't exercise at all, I never want to leave the house....and it's making me depressed with how I look and am being yet I do nothing to change it except for complain.

"Success Don't Come By Being Lazy!"

school....

It has been a very rough summer with school and now I feel like I've blinked and summer is gone...Fall starts in less then two weeks (which means that for a year straight I have been in school constantly, minus a month!). I'm excited for Fall though, every semester is a new start and with my major I get the chance to take a wide assortment of classes....this semester is a lot of education classes but also a interior design class (unfortunately on Friday night...Boo!)and I am finally taking French, which i have been dying to learn forever! I also will have the luxury of not having to kill myself trying to work full time and go to school full time, which means more time to actually focus on being a good student and time to enjoy life, my main interests will be my tv addiction (lol) and bible study and baking (once a week) and drinking with friends and boyfriend....
I know I complain about school, especially Chemistry hell, but I am madly in love with learning, am like a sponge and I flourish in school settings. Plus it's really nice feeling like I have a purpose in life rather then just a log bumping into random life experiences.

baking blues....

So I have gotten rather lazy about a lot of the things I loved you so much, namely baking. When J and I were together I started cooking and baking all the day, and realized my ultimate goal of wanting to be a baker and eventually open a bakery....however since moving back to Cruces, I don't think I've baked once and I don't know why! I miss it so much and it was always my blues cure all.
I have a million recipes and can't wait to start!!! And I'm going to make a goal to bake something ONCE a week (and hopefully not eat it all, which doesn't help with my fat issue) and blog about it (recipe and picture)....get ready for yum!

time flies when you're having fun...

It's been two years that I've been back in LC, that Chloe died...it's crazy to think of how time flies, of how much life changes....moments that I didn't think I could survive, people that I didn't think I could live without and now almost everything is different again....and I'm ok! :)

gotta love Bluntcard for saying exactly how I feel sometimes...

Vanessa rut...

I think it's just school and being unhappy with my weight and image but I've been in a rut lately, that comes and goes. I'm very much people oriented but go through phases where I just don't want to do anything or see anyone, but then I feel bad because I cancel on everyone, like this weekend. Lately the appeal of just staying home (loving my new house by the way) with Zoey, watching Netflix and eating is so overwhelming....I am feeling better today though, got up and did Bible Study (doing Skip's 729 sermons of the complete break down of the bible...which I started like a year ago and have not being doing at all for the last months) and talked to some old bests. Tomorrow I am determined to get on my exercise regimen!
Two more weeks of Chemistry hell, I so hope I pass!!

wine date!

I finally left my home and made the first step in getting out of my summer funk, went on a wine date with a friend and had the best time! Nothing better then drinking wine on a patio, listening to great music and catching up with a friend. :)

camping fun...

Went to Cloudcroft this weekend for some much needed outdoor fun...

Home sweet home!

My new house...

Summer school...

Ugh Chemistry sucks and makes my head hurt....I have six hours of it everyday, plus an a-hole lab teacher and a subject that is foreign to me, equals bad times all around...four more weeks.

Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want To Have Fun

{quote}

“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with”

time for some changes...

I am officially getting old and it's starting to show on me...need to start taking care of myself, get healthy, seriously lose weight (I don't even recognize myself anymore, especially in pics), and stop stressing so much about people...it's a sad fact that most people aren't going to stay in your life, that people will disappoint and hurt you; I just need to continue being me and enjoy the time I have with people and be really thankful for the few that are real and never go away.

It's my birthday!!

Best birthday...80's party, Des in town, game night and fireworks, and lots of love! ♥

Hell week is still going and I'm exhausted....moving, finals, friend drama, birthday party, and today Zoey got attacked by a dog. Oh and next week the joy of summer school continues. I wish I could just fast forward through summer....ugh!!
However, I absolutely love my new house and my party was a huge success..shots are very bad!!

shitty shitty day...

This is how I'm feeling today..."Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy."

I refused to move despite paying to much (I have been a gypsy my whole life and literally moved 100 times..for once just wanted to stay put for a few years) but I have to say I am so excited for the new house and can't wait for Wednesday, moving day!! However moving really blows and is so expensive..ugh!!
Then Friday is my bday/80's party...can't wait for friends and fun and dressing up!
Then the fun is over and I start Summer School 2..Chemistry...booooooo! Wish I could fast forward to September.

summertime..

As much as I hate summer and heat, today I will be packing and homework and then going to a pool party with lots of pina coladas. :)

summer blows!

It's been a rough couple of weeks, needless to say summer is not my fav, but almost done with Summer 1 and am moving into a really great, super cute house at the end of the month. I'm just counting the days till August...no more summer school, no more 100 degree weather, no more moving, no more drama from stupid people (yay right that'll never go away..)..

♥ Bluntcard!

happy weekend!

Crazy weekend...went out Friday with old HS friends, Saturday found a house and am moving at the end of the month (so have to move, take finals, and throw a party..), and went to Cloudcroft today for the Cherry festival ( a festival all about yummy cherries!).

Had a night out with old high school friends and it made me think about how crazy life is. I can't believe where my life has taken me..back in Cruces, with a guy from middle school, hanging out with friends I've known forever. Kinda makes you believe that there really is a plan and that everything does happen for a reason! :)

friendship.

Being needy and high-maintenance and having a fear of being left has made me think friendship means talking/seeing one another on a constant basis, if I don't have that reassurance I think you don't love me and question the friendship...I have finally realized that real friends are always there, it doesn't matter the distance or the space. You can call them when things are bad and they are always there, you can talk after weeks and it's like it's been a minute since you've talked.
Maybe getting older and wiser, not such a bad thing! ;)


“Long distance relationships are like wind to a fire; it puts out the small ones, but inflames the big ones.”

Life is just stupid...ugh, having the worst week and it started Friday and is not getting better.
So the best way to cure a horrible, rotten no good day is to do a whole lot of nothing...eating fattening yummies and watching tv ALL day!

Day one!!

Tomorrow is day one of Slim in Six...I need to stick to it, soooo tired of feeling fat and gross (I swear it looks like I'm having twins!).
Go Vanessa Go!!!

Had a great, drinking filled weekend in Abq with Desiree. All I need to re-group is a bestie. It was her birthday so we had a Mad Hatter themed party.

On a different subject..there's a quote that says never give up on love, but is that true or do you eventually have to walk away because it's the best thing for you and your future, because sometimes people don't deserve chances....

New shoes!

I decided to try something different and have been in a yellow mood, so here's my new shoes!


"Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything's right!" ~Paolo Nutini

I am loving life right now...not working for the summer since summer school is crazy, it is awesome!! I of course can only pull it off for a few months, one because I live above my means and two because I'd get bored. But for now, I get to stay up late and play and then sleep in late, screw around all day in my lovely ac house with no worries..yay!

So I have been reflecting on myself and why I am such a relationship disaster, why I feel the need to push and run...and yeah no answers. What's worse is that I know what I do and yet I keep doing it..and I thought I was finally starting to learn from my past failed relationships and the fact that I do the same thing in all of them, but no, still doing it with A. I don't know if it's that I can't settle down because I think the grass is greener somewhere else or if I am so afraid of love and being left (daddy issues) that I make it happen or if I'm just a loony..IDK! Luckily I have great friends that help, I have a fab boy that's willing to put up with me and wait for me to figure it out, and that I'm not that stubborn that I'm not willing to get help.

So excited, Brandy and I are doing a cake decorating class on Tuesdays, starts next week! This is my passion and I get to do it with a great friend. :)

Summer school is kinda scary but I love it..it's like wham bam thank you mam. lol
I am questioning if I'm the settling down type..I have everything I've every wanted in a relationship yet I still feel the need to flee, to find things wrong with it so I can create drama. Seriously what is wrong with me?
This weekend has been fun, spending time with bf and a best, Christina...had date/game night Friday and then yesterday went to Silver City for the Blues Fest, and tomorrow going to the wine fest. :)

Summer is officially here and I am feeling gross and fat and blah....I am in major need of boot camp and motivation and a major health kick in the butt!
And school starts tomorrow so June is the month to get it together!!

randomness..

Here are some random Vanessa facts:

~I am a very anal planner and get very annoyed with flaky people.
~I am a complex beyond measure.
~I secretly hate when no one likes or comments on my Facebook status.
~I have an addictive personality, like chapstick and lotion, naps, sweets, socializing, tv..
~I consider my bests my family, which is why I take friendships so seriously.
~I hate people yet crave them and in some ways am run by them..what they do/don't do, what they think of me, etc.
~I am a moody bitch..maybe even bi-polar.
~I am a animal person, can't not have a dog.
~I am obsessed with taking pictures.
~I have had a million people come and go in the last thirty years and wonder if you ever really know someone, if I'll ever find people that will never go away.
~I've struggled with money all my life.
~I am so lazy.
~I am my own worst enemy.
~I'm a control freak.
~Shopping does equal happiness.
~I have created my blog around Bluntcards. ;)
~I do in fact think the world revolves around me, hence why when I was little I thought fireworks were for me and why for most of my life I lived in a Vanessa bubble.
~I am so competitive, especially when it comes to board games.

This weekend Zoey got her first Starbucks..the lady gave her a dog treat and it was like dog crack, she even tore the cup apart after she wanted more so badly. Tonight she drank the ice from my tea, her eyes closed licking away in Starbucks bliss.