There has been a lot of changes in my life lately, good and bad, but I am really happy with how things turned out and I love the people in my life and the direction I'm headed in life!

So for the first time in a year, I refused to settle! All last year its been a procession of boys that I settled for, for whatever reason, which is why I decided on the boy free zone for awhile. I needed to re-focus on myself and not the distraction of boys but I gave in a few weeks ago BUT I ended it today. A great guy who is such a cutie, and we have this instant connection and tons of chemistry but if I stayed it would be me settling again. So it was hard and I'm sad but yay me! So I think for the time being I'm back to a boy free zone...I feel really good about my direction in life, with school, my personal progress, and I have such a great group of friends..for right now that's plenty. And I am going back to being picky about who I let in!!
"Happiness shouldn't come from a boyfriend, it should come from within."

February...

It has been such a good month: been sticking to my detox and am feeling good, minus the cold from hell that refuses to leave me; having lots of drink dates with friends that I heart; catching up on school; and started re-dating a boy.
Feels like things are slowly falling into place... ♥

{quote}

"Give me your bad day, give me your fear, bring all your burdens and lay them down here, cause I'm not going to leave you when your world becomes a war, because I'm in the trenches because you're worth fighting for"...Matthew west

boy update...

I lasted two months and am officially giving in..no more boy free zone! ;)

currently reading:

The Secret of Happiness by Billy Graham.
Amazing!!

*And don't ask why I am reading books when I barely have time to read school books! :)

"Happy is the person who has learned the secret of being content wuth whatever life brings him, and has learned to rejoice in the simple and beautiful things around him."

"Be patient enough to live one day at a time as Jesus taught us, letting yesterday go, and leaving tomorrow till it arrives."

life.

So I normally am not this negative, this analytical about things but the last years have been a rude slap in the face by life. I always lived in my Vanessa bubble: happy, confident, self-assured, a serial dater, a gypsy constantly changing, no bad came my way and if it did it worked itself out..and then I moved to Albuquerque and my bubble popped. I fell in love, put myself in a really bad situation and have been downhill ever since. It's like life saved all the bad, all the real for me and is now playing catch up...it has seriously been 6 years of hell. I have had four relationships, countless people come and go, had my heart destroyed on several occasions, had a million jobs, had horrible financial problems, had the worst year of my life, watched the most important thing in my life die, moved repeatedly, lost myself, questioned everything, and the only thing that stayed consistent was me aging and precious time passing..So now here I am, and through strength I didn't even know I had, I am a wiser, better person who is flawed massively but is fabulous. I know now that life is a beautiful, crazy, unexplainable, horrible thing and that no matter what I'll be okay, even if I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or who will be there to share it with.

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. " Agatha Christie