life.

So I normally am not this negative, this analytical about things but the last years have been a rude slap in the face by life. I always lived in my Vanessa bubble: happy, confident, self-assured, a serial dater, a gypsy constantly changing, no bad came my way and if it did it worked itself out..and then I moved to Albuquerque and my bubble popped. I fell in love, put myself in a really bad situation and have been downhill ever since. It's like life saved all the bad, all the real for me and is now playing catch up...it has seriously been 6 years of hell. I have had four relationships, countless people come and go, had my heart destroyed on several occasions, had a million jobs, had horrible financial problems, had the worst year of my life, watched the most important thing in my life die, moved repeatedly, lost myself, questioned everything, and the only thing that stayed consistent was me aging and precious time passing..So now here I am, and through strength I didn't even know I had, I am a wiser, better person who is flawed massively but is fabulous. I know now that life is a beautiful, crazy, unexplainable, horrible thing and that no matter what I'll be okay, even if I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or who will be there to share it with.

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. " Agatha Christie