currently reading:

The Secret of Happiness by Billy Graham.
Amazing!!

*And don't ask why I am reading books when I barely have time to read school books! :)

"Happy is the person who has learned the secret of being content wuth whatever life brings him, and has learned to rejoice in the simple and beautiful things around him."

"Be patient enough to live one day at a time as Jesus taught us, letting yesterday go, and leaving tomorrow till it arrives."

life.

So I normally am not this negative, this analytical about things but the last years have been a rude slap in the face by life. I always lived in my Vanessa bubble: happy, confident, self-assured, a serial dater, a gypsy constantly changing, no bad came my way and if it did it worked itself out..and then I moved to Albuquerque and my bubble popped. I fell in love, put myself in a really bad situation and have been downhill ever since. It's like life saved all the bad, all the real for me and is now playing catch up...it has seriously been 6 years of hell. I have had four relationships, countless people come and go, had my heart destroyed on several occasions, had a million jobs, had horrible financial problems, had the worst year of my life, watched the most important thing in my life die, moved repeatedly, lost myself, questioned everything, and the only thing that stayed consistent was me aging and precious time passing..So now here I am, and through strength I didn't even know I had, I am a wiser, better person who is flawed massively but is fabulous. I know now that life is a beautiful, crazy, unexplainable, horrible thing and that no matter what I'll be okay, even if I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or who will be there to share it with.

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. " Agatha Christie

Pretty Little Mistakes.

I am reading a book where you pick the outcome..much like your own life. It got me thinking about choices and life...there are so many choices we make on a daily basis, some small and some big, but what happens if you pick the wrong one. Can you ever get back on track? Or does it really not matter what you do because God has a bigger picture and plan for you?

Spring semester...

I need to get my life in order...I hate this out of control, flustered feeling that this semester has caused. I feel like I can't catch up, with money, with school, with life.
1. Get caught up on school.
2. Get rid of cold that refuses to leave me and is draining all energy from me.
3. Find better job.
4. Get finances stable.
5. Vegan.

This has been one of those weeks where you say FML...hoping it gets better with the trip to Abq this weekend. I am looking forward to Feb and all that is planned. I just need to get on track with money and school...this semester is crazy and I can't seem to get my barrings.
I am definitely learning to rely on myself and faith, to take the bad and not over-react so much, and to be alone...a whole month without boys!

This is my quote..."I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." I don't want it to sound like I'm not independent, because I am and have had the unfortunate luck of not having a strong family base so really throughout my life I depend on myself..But I do and always have, turned to the opposite sex for support when life gets hard. Boys always are around and willing to help so...
Is that bad? I do think it gets me into quite a lot of trouble and adventures..hence the one I just got myself into... :/

a night out...

Last night was my first night out all month and true to form, it was very interesting and a little bit scary!
Went to class and then met Christina at Vintage Winery to hear a friend play...such a great time! Drinking wine, catching up with a best, sitting in the cold, and listening to beautiful music. Then we decided to go to El Patio and yeah completely random people and band...and this guy hit on me. He seemed normal, distinguished, older and handsome, good conversation but no he was weird and gave a "I'll kill you when alone with you" vibe..AND he was with random people, it was like a mob! Seriously I was afraid!