This about sums up this year! ;)

I'm so ready for a new year filled with change and promise!! Already started making some changes personally, making amends with people and figuring out what I want the future to hold! Go ME!! :)

Snow days make me happy!!

I've decided to let go of grudges, hurt feelings, stubbornness and forgive and move on with some friendships. People are people and will never live up to my "expectations" so I can either accept it and keep some really good friends (flaws and all) or be alone. I decided today to choose the first because honestly this year has sucked without some of my friends. I went to the extreme this year of not letting people affect me, not take me for granted, not being on call for them; it was nice to take that stand and I think mellowed my high maintenance side a little and taught me a lot but it was also very lonely and disheartening. So 2012 will be the year I hopefully find the balance and as usual continue the growth of me! :)

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” ~Dale Carnegie

2011

Well once again, another year is wrapping up...I have to say this one has not been the best (not the worse either). A lot of changes as usual with people, another year trying to finish up school even though I am massively burnt out, some rocky moments, some Vanessa blues, and an unexpected gift of starting my baking business. All I can do is take time to learn from the good and the bad of the year and hope that next year is better! I love NYE, it's a chance to start all over! :) Maybe this year I'll actually do my New Year's resolutions!!

wedding bells..

After a lot of changes and some turmoil, I have finally decided to enjoy the wedding process again! First on the list is postponing the wedding until October, that way I'm done with school and less stressed. Let the craziness begin... ;)

Checklist:
Wedding Date: October 6, 2012
{New} Save the dates
Wedding Party
Dress
Location
Flowers
Cake (done by me)
Guest List
Invitations
Catering

...did I forget anything??

I'm in desperate need of some change in my life....preferably in a move! Stupid school is taking forever to end!!

2011...

I had some weird dreams last night that lingered when I woke up. It made me think about this year, how bitter-sweet it has been. I have had some major changes in the friendship area, this is something I know happens throughout life, people change, people grow apart, people drift apart simply because of lack of trying, etc but I will never get use to it. It hurts because I thought I had finally come to a solid, true friend core of people and have been shocked by how things have turned out with some of them. It really is like losing a family member for me. And honestly I am an extremely social person, I thrive off of people (good or bad) so this year has been that much harder. I have become a huge homebody and don't seem to have much of a social life anymore, some of that is personal choice and some because of the changes in friendships. I also am struggling with a major Vanessa funk I've been in, I'm not really sure why.
On to the sweet, I am almost done with school and am so proud of myself for finishing this degree. I also had the amazing surprise of having my baking business start and take off...there are no words to express how surreal it is to be baking for a career and even better to have rave reviews! I also am so blessed to have, through thick and thin, a boyfriend that is perfect for me. I would have never thought I would end up with him but am so glad.

Currently reading:

As you can tell I'm a total cake nerd so this is like my fourth food book...I love the concept though, reading how other people chucked it all to follow their real passion and you can't beat the recipes. As I type, I have Banana bread with chocolate chips and crystallized ginger in the oven!

Halloween!!

I know it's not even October but yes my house is already Halloween decorated! I know, I know but I couldn't wait any longer!! :)

These are orange string lights with Halloween cupcake liners I placed over them...LOVE!

have cake, will travel...or maybe not!

Went on my first cake traveling adventure this weekend and it was crazy! I literally baked all day Friday, and I'm OLD now so felt like I might die at the end of the night. Then after like five hours of sleep, drove my happy ass to Abq to rush (and stress!) to try to get all the frosting's made and the cake's decorated...um yeah! I was almost in tears the whole time! The rest of the night was a fine balance between exhaustion, drinking, more frosting, and trying to see friends. I went on to get an HOUR of sleep, then drove my not so happy ass to Santa Fe, then finally and forever later came home. Overall, the trip was a success, everyone seemed to love their orders, I got paid (even got a tip), had a blast seeing everyone (even if it was way to rushed) and even got to stock up on wine at Trader Joe's....I did have some epic cupcake failures! My first batch failed miserably and took away two of my precious hours of baking, then my last batch was an attempt at German Chocolate and it failed bad (TWICE), then on my last delivery TWO cupcake boxes overturned and took at two dozen cupcakes and my Kitchen Aid mixer bowl BROKE!
All I can say is I'm exhausted but am so glad I did this, some of my prettiest cupcakes came out of this trip and it was definitely a learning experience!!!

current read

So this week is going to be a Busy, crazy week...my first cupcake all nighter, Abq trip to deliver 14 dozen cupcakes, Zoey turns three, Monday night football, and oh yeah school (three quizzes and three papers due)....but on top of that I am pleased to announce that I have been reading every night! I have a pile of books on my to do list, including joining a book club where we are working our way through the Harry Potter series. I am also going to start reading...

I am very excited about my new discovery of food books, which combines my two loves. The last book I read actually had recipes intertwined in the book! This book reminds me of my life this year, starting over and doing what I really love which is baking.

{quote}

"Ask most people what they want from life and the answer is simple..to be happy. Maybe its this expectation though that just keeps us from getting there. Maybe the more we try and will ourselves to states of bliss the more confused we get, to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling, trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were until eventually it hits us, its been there all along..not in our dreams or hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar." ~Grey's Anatomy

Vanessa/Martha challenge is on...I made Lemon Meringue cupcakes this week. They were good but not my fav, kinda messy to eat and a lot of work. Lemon cake, lemon curd and 7 minute frosting all made by hand....I must say the frosting was the hardest since I don't have a candy thermometer so I played it by ear and not sure if it came out right. Everyone seemed to enjoy them so guess that's what counts...I must say I love the challenges though!

This weekend I have a Cars themed order so am making Martha's Marble cupcakes...two done! :)

Martha, Martha, Martha

So I have failed my Julie/Julia attempt...so busy and let's be honest I am obsessed with cupcakes! Now that I am getting so many orders, I long for the random days when I get to just bake for fun...no pressure, no stress, no doubting myself. {I am crazy hard on myself!!} So, to accommodate both, I have moved my Martha following to her cupcake book, atleast for now! I will attempt to make everything in her cupcake book and will post about it! Yay! I have already done some without even knowing it and had planned on doing Lemon Meringue today, so the order I make them will be random.
It doesn't get better then Martha Stewart and Cupcakes!!

This could be an epic failure or could be a huge business change but I have decided to take my cupcakes on the road, well at least to Albuquerque/Santa Fe. I have 12 dozen orders...not bad for a day trip!

{quote}

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single, flashing, throbbing moment.
… Sarah Dessen

Most profess to want love - to give it & to receive it - but few believe in doing what is necessary to nurture & sustain that love.
… Zane

Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.
… Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

In real-life fairy tales, you can define who you are for yourself and, as a result, choose your ending; you don’t really need someone to save you, just someone who can let you save yourself.

Julie/Julia challenge

I want to do a Julie/Julia thing but with Martha....I'm going to do her Baking Handbook. So the challenge I'm presenting myself is once a week bake from her book and will start from page one and go all the way through, trying everything, no matter what it is. This might be crazy, especially with my schedule and my diet but I love the idea, the experience I will gain, and the building of my baking resume.

the good and the bad...

I got unexpected exciting news yesterday when a new cafe called and asked me to be the baker for her shop...wow that did happen! I have to admit I still doubt my ability, still doubt if I'm good enough to sell especially when it seems like everyone and their mom bakes. I preceded to have a panic attack about if I can really pull all this off, with school starting next week. I am determined to finish school but it seems like all these opportunities are coming up and I'm afraid if I don't take them now I won't get them again, and this is my dream job! So, I decided to do it and called to find out about getting a business license...bad news followed and I have been feeling deflated all day. Apparently you need a lot of crap to be able to sell food, especially to another business...like a lot of money and I have to bake from a commercial kitchen (not my home, which does not make sense if I'm doing a HOME business!). I know that everything will come in time and this just isn't mine yet, and the smart thing to do is finish school and bake on the side but it's really heartbreaking when you get an offer that is almost to good to be true and then it is taken away.
I have to admit though, it's pretty great that this has all happened to me in just a few months..I just wanted to practice and now am selling and even getting business offers!! Happy dance!

Day One

Well I am FINALLY starting my diet..I know, finally! So today is day one of losing my cupcake pudginess and I started with The Green Monster.

I can do it!

Woo hoo, last summer session ever! One more year and I am done with school! I don't even know if I'm going to use my degree, now that the baking thing has taken off but just to say I finally completed it is enough! I have learned a lot, changed a lot in the last few years...who woulda thought life would turn out this way!

Ever hear a quote and it takes your breathe away because it is SO defining you!? This is that quote:

baking pet peeve!

I am obsessed with baking blogs, have gotten so much knowledge from them BUT I have a major pet peeve...when people that say they are professional bakers and charge a lot of money for their work yet it comes from a box! I have used boxes and sometimes they even taste better then my from scratch stuff but since I started really practicing, really baking I have made everything from scratch and will continue to do so. I think that's what makes someone a baker, what makes it fun...putting together something from a few ingredients not just throwing in a box recipe that they make dummy proof (that's what my HNFS teacher called them!).
Okay I'm done ranting and I guess to each their own... :)

♥

I have to admit that I doubt how good I am when it comes to my baking; I know I have talent but there is always a part of me that questions how good it really is, if people will really like and pay for them. I get so nervous when I'm doing a order, even charge too little but I today, for the first time, I truly believe. I still can't believe this is all happening, something I've wanted to do forever, and that I am good and people like it...seriously my heart is so happy!
The review I got today for a two dozen order: "Hands down the best cupcakes I have ever eaten!! Everyone loved them!!" (I choked up after hearing this!)

it's raining, it's pouring!

I'm soooo boring these days...guess that's what happens when you get "married" and a homebody! Nothing like the old days, when I was infused with drama adventures on a weekly basis (mostly about boys)..but this is way better, a life full of baking and coupled-om bliss.
I am very worried about the Fall...full time school, an internship, wedding planning and a new business. Eek!!

I decided to skip the cupcakes (even though I did make Champagne cupcakes for my bday party Saturday night..) and go for a cake, but not just any cake...Vanilla Bean Cake, topped with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream, then topped with macerated berries, then another cake level and then covered with Whipped Cream...
Ice cream cakes are a bitch to make but I must say this is awesome!!!
Happy birthday to ME! :)

Happy birthday to ME!

Technically my birthday is not until Monday but my party is tonight (and I like to celebrate me for weeks so...) and it got me thinking, one about lost friendships (it's hard thinking about last years party and then thinking of this one and knowing the key people that are no longer the same), two about another year gone, another year older (I would say wiser but Idk about that..), and three another chance to start over, get back on track.
I also sadly realized that I have become a massive anti-social, shut in, fat blob...tonight will be the first time I've dolled up since March!! My poor boyfriend sees me in pj's, looking frumpy all the time! lol
So here's to another year, full of promise and potential and I'm sure surprises!!!

happiness!

I thought I'd do a post about happiness, I know I take everything for granted, never am satisfied with the present and what I have, always focusing on the negative...and I hate that part of me! I even think I sabotage my own happiness because I just don't know how to just be.
Here are some lovely little quotes/reminders! :)

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

First of all, I don't know what that phrase mean but it makes me laugh and is constantly stuck in my head! And these cupcakes really are the winners! So here is my favorite cupcake that I have made, despite being a pain in the ass with a million different steps...S'mores cupcakes with a graham cracker crust, bittersweet chocolate, chocolate cupcake and a toasted marshmallow frosting! Heaven in a bit, seriously!! And yes I have already gained ten pounds just making these but somethings are worth the sacrifice, right!?

Ugh I hate baking failures, makes me feel so inadequate and I know that's dumb because I am a new-be and have only had two failures but still! Friday was a huge failure, forty cupcakes and two hours lost; stupid new Chocolate Banana recipe! I totally had a Julie and Julia moment, laying on my couch is grouchiness and hating all things baking. So a few hours later, I got off my ass and re-started, this time making perfect cupcakes (60!) and attempting monkey chocolate molds. This baby shower may be the death of me-six hours, over a hundred cupcakes and an aching body! :/

How I feel about summer...lol

What an exciting baking day!! I had a Father's Day order, then decided on a name for my baking company with the help of my fabulous friend-Baked Bliss by Vanessa, then ordered business cards and then became Facebook official with a page, https://www.facebook.com/BakedBliss.
I feel like such an adult! ;)

Victory is mine!

Woo hoo, I conquered Red Velvet! I am working on a recipe book, now happily I can say I have my basics-Vanilla Bean, Strawberry, Chocolate, Red Velvet and Carrot!

Rough week but yesterday, obtaining a dream and getting amazing love and support from Facebook, has made me feel refreshed and hopeful!

I'm going to re-attempt Red Velvet, gotta get this favorite mastered and it still bugs me that I couldn't get it right the first time! Then this weekend, I have an order for Father's Day. :)

I'm a professional!

So ironically I made these cupcakes to make myself feel better (I have a secret, the actual baking process, the end result, the picture taken is what I love about baking, why I do it so much; not the actual eating part, although that part is good too...)

and ended up getting an offer for restaurants! So, you know what that means, officially I am a professional baker! I am still going to finish school and my internship because I am so close and I want to complete this; after that we shall see where life takes me! :D

feeling a little broken today...but tomorrow's another day right!?

Carrot Cake

This is on my top three best cupcakes I have made, and I am so relieved because I adore carrot cake!

"Your Life Is an Occasion. Rise to It."

I'm ready to stop being a lazy blob who has fastly become a shut in, wallowing in people sadness...pretty soon you will see me on a tv show, "A New Mexico women found dead, covered in chocolate and flour, weighing five hundred pounds."

I have a confession, I really dislike homemade frosting! Love making it, love piping it fancy style, love the way it looks (without it, cupcakes would be nude!)

....but ugh, I hate the taste. I keep trying different recipes and they all taste like I'm eating a stick of butter! It's just me because everyone else seems to love it. I will conquer this!

{quote}

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure. That you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn... ~Veronica A. Shoffstall"

my first crazed cupcake fan! lol

Although I do my best to give away or sell most of what I make, I do have to do sample control (after all it's the right thing to do!)...somethings I have to sample more then others, like the double chocolate chip cookies I made last week (there are no pictures because I was too busy covering myself in chocolate goodness), hopefully it never turns into this! ;)

I've been feeling off lately and it makes me sad how much I let other people affect me; seems like my constant losing battle. I also struggle with the grass is greener complex...I love that I have become a boring domestic goddess, that I finally have stability, consistency but at the same time I struggle with the need to return to my gypsy ways. It's like I have a itch for change, for excitement.....I really just need to learn to be happy with what I have, where I am and who I am (if only that wasn't so freaking hard...)
But anyways, I digress, I had a great night, filled with Bbq and wine and a friend and that was all it took to bring me back to myself. :)
We are full on into summer now (boo!) and I have been doing well with my reading list, my baking company (have a order this week for pineapple upside down cupcakes!) but next I need to really focus on my weight and diet, then learning Spanish and then Summer School in July.

Today, I don’t have much to talk about. Life has been completely ordinary, in the best way. Don't you love when that happens! :)
Tomorrow making Brown butter cupcakes with apricot frosting...

This is what I wish I was doing today:

I hate summer hotness!

Banana Bread

I have been wanting to make banana bread forever but was always intimidated, but now that I am a fabulous baker I can make anything, right!? Well the over ripe bananas were calling my name and the fact the I had a well stocked pantry now, made it a no brainier that I had to attempt my first loaf.
I must now confess that homemade bread is fast becoming my favorite thing to make, poor cupcakes! I just find it amazing that you can take basic ingredients and make them into a beautiful loaf of bread! Plus bread is challenging and a little scary and time consuming; I kinda like that. And the smell that will fill every crevice of your house (I wish I had smell-o-vision for y'all)... :)

I have done a lot of baking lately, as you all know, all of it being experimental, trying new flavors, different techniques and even did some vegetarian (dairy free) cupcakes. All this has made me much better and not to sound cocky but I do think I've gotten pretty fabulous! ;) So some were amazing (my top two are Lemon Blueberry and Creme de Menthe)...

...and some were failures, even though I still got good reviews on them, I think I could have done better so they are on my re-do list...champagne and red velvet cupcakes.
I love learning and sharing...hope you enjoy it as well!? :)

mini vaca

A and I went on a little vaca to Carlsbad this weekend...not a whole lotta happenings in Carlsbad, NM but it was nice to get away from everything for a few days and I've always loved the caverns and bat flight. However, coming back to my lovely home is the best feeling!
Tomorrow making Creme de Menthe cupcakes!! Yum in my tum!

my futures so bright i gotta wear shades!

Who knows what'll happen from week to week, let alone the future and it seems like life always surprises me just when I am getting comfortable but I am very excited about the potential. For once, I know what I want to do "when I grow up" and have been working hard at making it happen (being a teacher and baking). Things are even falling into place to make my bakery business happen; might even have a partner to open an actual store!
And personally, I am finally starting to figure myself out, who I am, what makes me happy, how to be a better me (with or without people). I continue to grow and learn every day! :)

Today is my last final and I'll have a month off before summer two...I am going to soak up on my to do list as possible! Bake (duh!), read (there is like a million books on my list to read), learn to knit, get in shape (I have become a chunky monkey!) and bible study (bible in a year).

Can't forget Zoey!

So I have been on a baking frenzy but it is fueled by first an obsession and second a need to practice and experiment and third a goal of becoming a professional, paid baker. This week I have been on a double frenzy/school rebellion, baking almost everyday and it's been awesome, but unlikely to repeat itself (due to time, funds and me being on a diet!)
I figured I should bake something for Zoey, and once again homemade is best, especially since I know what is going in it.

It's like she knew there were cookies in the oven just for her!

:)

bread goodness!

First let me introduce you to my new best friend:

So I attempted to make bread for the first time, and I was pretty nervous! My kitchen and best friend did not enjoy the mess...

the end result was awesome and once again I must say how much of a fan I am of making things from scratch!

new motto:

baking goodies!

I had a spoiled week, got all kinds of baking goodies! Most importantly my Kitchen Aid (best investment ever!), Martha cupcakes book, and two new baking pans.

New pans meant I had to immediately use them so this week was no cupcakes (don't worry they are my first love!) and instead a lemon ginger bundt cake and popovers.

Popovers are ridiculously easy and so awesome!

Baking=happy weekend! People=sad weekend, but that's a different story...