Oh, my heart....

I met my ex, G, for tea today..we are so good together, you can feel the connection and no one has ever understood me like he does..I don't understand how two people can be so connected in every possible way yet have exploded like we did. He told me about this girl that he's been seeing, how she has pointed out the same things that I did about him, and he apologized to me for being a jerk. I so want him to be happy but seriously I could feel my heart break a little.

I quit!

I didn't start out the day thinking it would turn out this way but everything has been leading me to it and today was the final push, I quit my job finally. I loved my kids and the hours but the pay is horrible, I am so under-appreciated, and I stupidly had an office romance and now am paying the price...so back to restaurants I go. It is a way better fit for me while I am finishing school, I need to be social and busy and make more money in order to keep my sanity.
I still am struggling with the feeling that I took ten steps back in life (being back in my hometown, being a student, and now serving) but I know school is worth it.

What would you do if you were told that you had 10 years to live?

*here's my list, not in any particular order...

1. Graduate school.
2. Learn French and then live in Paris for a year.
3. Travel.
4. Get married.
5. Sky-dive, bungee jump, etc...
6. Learn how to play the piano.
7. Finish reading The 100 Greatest Novels of All Time.
8. Open a bakery/wine bar.
9. Smile every day and not sweat the small stuff.
10. Pray every night.
11. Drink, eat, be merry, and take tons of pictures.
12. Say I love you daily.
13. Soak up every possible ounce of knowledge I can.
14. Be on Amazing Race.
15. See a opera.
16. Learn how to dance.
17. Go to a Patriots game.

Today was a bad day...starting with me being an unmotivated, lazy blob (school and exercise), ending with my ex being an immature ass who ruined my work day. I came home and cried...but I have great friends and know that I'm better then him, so I am over it and am now watching the Bachelor and getting my Facebook fix. ♥

Here is a great poem I stumbled upon about a door...
"Consider how many times life changes by opening a door, who you meet there, what you find there, what you leave behind. Falling in love with a door is easy; it records the living, hears every whisper, every tear, it lets you lean there - against it, slam it, bang it, walk through it...
Yes. I do believe the most sensible way to get through a wall is by using a door.
Either side lets you in or leaves you out - holds in warmth, keeps out cold, holds generally. And of course it makes you question.
Question where you are going, what you are doing, why you are doing it, what made you do it. Question choices, courage and letting go. Letting it be. Letting it open.
I've left my breath near a door many times - and found it too."

March...

March is the month...to really stick to my exercise program and diet, to focus on my priorities, and to continue the betterment of my life. :)
I am determined!
..and excited, lots of fun events planned...Abq trip, Texas trip, St. Patty's day....
Oh and hopefully I can go the whole month without one boy trying, blatantly to sleep with me, because seriously this last month has been crazy! I know I'm great and irresistible but I am way more then sex...and I can't believe how much guys don't try to date or get to know you anymore, how they really think that its okay to just ask for sex (but apparently there are quite a lot of girls out there that think that it is okay...), or worse whip it out!! UGH!!!!

words to live by...

Believe in yourself..Study hard..Give lots of kisses..laugh often..Don't be overly concerned with your weight,its just a number..Always try to see the glass half full..Meet new people, even if they look different then you..Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless..Take lots of naps..Be weird whenever you have the chance..Love your friends, no matter who they are..Relax..Take an occasional risk..Try to have fun each day..Share a joke with friends..Fall in love with someone and say it often..Express yourself creatively..Be conscious of your appearance..Always be up for surprises..Love someone with all your heart..Watch your step..It will get better..Exercise to keep fit..Seize the moment..Hold on to good friends, they are few and far between...Indulge in the things you truly love..Cherish every Sunday..At the end of the day Pray...and smile at least once a day!

I am action pact with issues!

I am so not good at staying in one place, whether its a town or a job or a relationship, and I am definitely not good when life is calm. What is wrong with me?! I feel all restless and un-content right now, like I need something to happen...which is really dumb because for the most part I actually am happy with my life.